Why do we have a sex drive?

The number one reason is to advance our species, this is why all creatures procreate because we all want to get as far into the future as possible and the only way to do that is by makin’ babies!

We also have sex for pleasure of course because that’s why birth control methods were developed, we want to be able to enjoy sex without the consequences of that potentially resulting in a child each and every time.

Now when most of us think about sex drive we think about testosterone for men and estrogen for women but that’s not the whole picture. For example, estrogen is extremely important in sexual function for males, not just females. If a man doesn’t have adequate estrogen levels for whatever reason, erectile dysfunction is extremely common.

One real world example of this is when some men use injectable testosterone or anabolic steroids, it’s very common to use something called an aromatase inhibitor because in this case if too much testosterone is the in the system, it can begin to convert to estrogen and the enzyme that’s responsible for that conversion is something called aromatase.

Fun fact, the more fat you have on your body the more testosterone you convert to estrogen!

In the case of a male, if you have too much estrogen in the body it can result in problems such as gynecomastia, which is a fancy way of saying breast tissue development.

So these anabolic steroid using folks often take aromatase inhibitors, but these drugs can essentially be too effective and lower estrogen too much and that results in all of sorts of issues, one big one being sexual function.

Estrogen is also responsible for a host of other things such as bone health, joint health, mood regulation etc.

In women estrogen is important for the reasons I just mentioned, as well as sexual function because it plays an important role in lubrication. Meaning, estrogen is crucial for both men and women when it comes to sex and the same goes for testosterone…the primary difference is that the optimal amounts are going to differ between men and women.

So men are going to have more testosterone and less estrogen and women are going to have more estrogen and less testosterone when compared with one another.

We’ve all got our own sort of taste or preference when it comes to what we’re sexually attracted to so…some folks prefer darker features, dark hair, dark eyes, darker skin etc. and then other people like lighter features like blonde hair, lighter skin, blue eyes etc.

This is a sliding scale and we also have personality traits that we’re attracted to and someone’s general energy and/or confidence or lack thereof, however the vast majority of us do seem to be attracted to a lot of the same things…

So for example we all seem to be naturally attracted to healthy looking skin and hair, nice teeth, fit people aka good body composition and things like posture. We’re much more attracted to folks that stand up tall and come across as confident.

High energy is a great sign of a robust human, we also much prefer people with more of a positive outlook than a negative one.

Essentially what we’re attracted to is a thriving human, or in other words signs of a resilient and healthy individual, but why…because all of these things are corollary signs to survival and reproductive capability.

Someone who is healthy, strong, confident and generally positive is far more likely to thrive in the world than someone who is unhealthy, weak, lacks self-esteem and has a negative attitude.

From a purely evolutionary standpoint we want to advance our species, so if you had to partner up with someone and raise kids with them, are you going to choose the healthy person or the unhealthy person?

It seems to be that we’re actually genetically wired to be able to identify signs of a healthy organism, so like we talked about before…skin, teeth, hair, body composition, mental health so attitude, even symmetry…we love symmetrical faces and bodies, so essentially balance from right to left as opposed to asymmetry.

Now what does what we’re attracted to have to do with boosting your libido?

If you’re listening to this episode you’re clearly interested in having sex and all the same things that lead to a healthy libido will make it more likely that you get laid.

What do I mean?

If you have healthy skin, teeth, hair, nails, you carry some muscle, you’re strong, you’re lean…you’re going to have a better sex drive because you’re healthy and you’re also more likely to attract a partner or partners by being a thriving and robust individual.

So not only will your sex drive be higher, you’re going to have a better chance of exercising it…no pun intended there.

We touched on hormones before, but how do you balance your hormonal status? Here are the 4 things you need to do…

Nutrition

Favour single and minimal ingredient foods that you cook yourself and if you’re overweight I’d recommend leaning out to a more healthful bodyweight. On the other hand if you’re underweight, I’d recommend gaining until you reach a healthful bodyweight.

Being overweight and being underweight will impact libido and sexual function. The overweight scenario is likely fairly straight-forward because being overweight is a huge stressor and it impacts things like heart rate, blood pressure, likelihood of disease etc. but on the underweight side, from an evolutionary perspective it signifies food shortage and poor nutrient status.

Meaning, if you don’t have food to feed yourself, you definitely don’t have enough calories to feed a child and so from an evolutionary angle it makes sense to shut down or at least suppress sex drive because the external conditions (calorie availability) aren’t fit to feed another mouth.

So when it comes to nutrition and libido we don’t want to be too big, we don’t want to be too small, we want to play the middle. This spot is going to vary depending on the individual, but subjectively how you look, feel and perform should let you know.

When you’re in the right spot you’re going to feel great, you’re going to be stoked on how you look and you’re going to be performing well, so whether it’s carrying out everyday tasks, hitting the gym or going for a hike…you’re going to be thriving!

Movement

Movement is very important for overall health for so many reasons, but a couple ones that stand out when it comes to sexual function and libido specifically are blood pressure and heart rate.

How do Viagra and Cialis work?

They increase blood flow, meaning if you have high blood pressure which by definition is impaired blood flow, you’re setting yourself up to have sexual function problems arise. Also, what pumps blood throughout the body? Your heart, so if you have a high resting heart rate, your heart is working a lot harder than it needs to which has a cost to it.

This isn’t exclusive to men, lubrication for women is also heavily reliant on blood flow so ladies you want to have a healthy heart and proper blood pressure for overall health of course, but also for sexual function.

Specifics…I’d recommend hitting 8-10,000 steps per day as a baseline target.

Also, getting 2-3 sessions in weekly where you get your heart rate up a little higher is a good idea, so you could do some field sprints or hill sprints or a spin class or cycle or lift weights at a quicker pace…really anything that gets your blood pumping!

Weight training specifically is great because being strong and building a little muscle never hurt anyone.

Sleep

No area of the body goes untouched when it comes to sleep, meaning everything is going to get better when you’re sleeping properly and everything is going to get worse when you’re not and of course this includes sexual function and libido.

For example, we talked about blood pressure and heart rate before…

If you get a great sleep, the following day you’re going to have a lower baseline heart rate and blood pressure and the opposite is the case if you have a poor sleep.

Having said that I’m not crazy about focusing on one single night, but rather zooming out and looking at the big picture. We need 7-9 hours of sleep per night and the easiest way to figure out how much sleep you need to wake up feeling rested and alert all day is by going to bed and waking up without an alarm.

If you have to wake up for work in the morning and you need your alarm, it’s pretty likely that you aren’t getting enough sleep because in an ideal world you’d wake up naturally after completing your last sleep cycle.

You’re also going to feel better upon waking because an alarm could potentially wake you up mid-cycle when you normally wouldn’t wake up and therefor it could take you longer to ‘come to’ in a sense or just get your wits about you because your body and brain are like, ‘why’d ya wake me up, things were going great!?’

How do you wake up without an alarm? You go to bed earlier…I wish I had a different answer for ya, but it’s all about priorities. One less show on Netflix could be the difference between feeling amazing and feeling not so amazing.

Also for the men, you should be waking up with an erection in the morning…this is actually a REALLY good sign of sexual health, you don’t have to get fancy with testing or anything, simply pay attention to whether you’re waking up excited or not.

Stress

Stress and libido have a tipping scale like relationship, so when stress is up, libido is down and when stress is down, libido is up.

I love viewing this stuff through an evolutionary lens because it just make so much sense to me and I think it inherently makes sense to most other folks as well…

If you’re super stressed out, it only makes sense that libido decreases because again a child isn’t the right fit for a super stressful situation, whether it be calorie availability or mental stressors, emotional traumas, physical distress…all of these things aren’t conducive to offspring surviving and thriving, so stress is a really important factor when it comes to libido.

How to de-stress, relax and calm yourself is going to depend on the individual, but first and foremost you want to button up your nutrition, movement and sleep…that just makes sense because they’re huge inputs. After that, here are 5 things I like to use with my coaching clients…

1.     Walk – walking does fall under the movement umbrella, but it’s a massive de-stressor in itself, it slows you down, it’s really healthy and ideally it’s done outside so you get some nature time, sunlight, light exposure…it’s wins all around.

2.     Learning – learning is a great way to de-stress because it feeds your brain, has you feel accomplished and gives you purpose…it can also fill you with curiosity because you might learn about a new topic and that may have you want to learn about another topic and enter the snowball effect.

3.     Writing – I’m a big fan of writing or journaling or whatever you want to call it and I look at it like taking out the garbage mentally. If you’ve got things on your mind, instead of letting them spin in your brain and constantly re-visiting them over and over, get it out on the page. It’s just energy spinning around in your head…so release it.

Also I’ll mention, what you write doesn’t have to make sense because if you’ve ever stopped and really listened to your thoughts they’re kinda crazy…they often don’t make sense and they jump all over the place, so don’t worry about getting it right when you’re writing, just write.

4.     Chatting – Having solid chats with friends and family is so therapeutic and just all around helpful. It’s vital to get feedback from people because everyone’s perspective is different and so folks can show you sides of an issue or a potential problem that you’re having in different ways…it’s so valuable!

5.     Sex – I know we’re talking about sex and sexual function, but having sex itself is an amazing way to de-stress whether it be with another person or yourself, it’s a really healthy behaviour with literally zero downsides…everybody wins!

A quick note on porn…I personally don’t watch porn and I haven’t in years because I find it impacts my sex life in a negative way. Everyone is different and maybe it works for you, but I’ve found the novelty of porn to be too much and I found that it made my real life sexual experiences more enjoyable when I stopped watching it. That’s just a personal anecdote that I’ve found to be helpful for myself, but to each their own of course.

Confidence and/or self-esteem, these two factors play a huge role in libido because the more comfortable you are in your body and with your body the more comfortable you’re going to be in sex, which is going to lead to a better experience.

I’ve seen this SO many times in my clients where they’re looking and feeling better and as a result their libido improves and their sex life improves, so just feeling good and being comfortable in your own skin plays a huge part when it comes to the sexual experience as a whole.

One really important note on drugs…drugs impact libido and sexual function big time and the most common offender is alcohol. Booze does an amazing job of straight up tanking sex hormones, so the rule I like to follow is…drink just enough to enhance your sex life, but not enough to impair it.

That includes acutely, so don’t drink so much in one night that your performance is impaired and don’t drink so much over the course of time that it starts to deteriorate your health.

Now what about things like going to naturopath to quote on quote ‘balance your hormones’ for sexual function and libido.

The first steps are always buttoning up nutrition, movement, sleep and stress management…so address these lifestyle factors first, really commit to them for a SOLID 2-3 months and then potentially think about alternative measures.

Reason being, if you start to take a bunch of supplements or drugs that may or may not help and you don’t change your lifestyle…assuming the supplements or drugs benefitted you, as soon as you stop taking them you’re going to regress to where you were.

We see this in relation to weight loss all the time, someone loses a bunch of weight and then they slowly slip back to what they were doing prior to losing the weight and they gain it back.

Lifestyle change is the tried and true way to thrive. I’m not saying that supplements or drug interventions should never play a part, but for the vast majority of people lifestyle is the way to go because it addresses the root of the issues and you also don’t get the potential downsides or side effects from taking supplements or drugs…there is no free lunch in physiology, it’s all trade-offs.

If you’re doing what you need to do in order to look, feel and perform super well, you’re going to have great sexual function and libido simple as that!

So, get as healthy as you possibly can via healthful lifestyle habits on a consistent basis and you’ll be able to enjoy sex that much more!